The Volkswagen Times - Special EDITION HEADLINE: The boy That Cried wolfsburg!
It all began like any great love story: boy meets car, boy buys car, boy believes he’s found “the one.”
On 15 September 2021, we welcomed into our lives a new and pristine, white, manual 2021 Mark 8 Volkswagen Golf. The paint gleamed, the gearbox rowed through all six gears like a hot knife though butter, the future looked bright. I was convinced this was a relationship built to last.
Holy f*** I was wrong.
Act One: The Honeymoon
For a brief, shining moment, everything was perfect. Then, like every bad romance, the warning signs began. Quite literally; on the dashboard. Lights. Beeps. Glitches. It was as if the car had developed the automotive equivalent of a nervous breakdown.
On 13 October 2021, barely a month after purchase, the Golf returned to the dearlership for “Bluetooth issues” and “glitching safety systems.” Two weeks in their care and we were told it had received a “software update”. Translation: They turned it off and on again.
Act Two: The Repeating Nightmare
The following month, 15 November 2021, we were back again. The same electrical gremlins. Another “software update.” By this point, I was starting to suspect Volkswagen was running Windows 95 in the back end.
Fast forward to 3 June 2022 - the annual service. I calmly let my feelings be known (again) about electrical faults, and from further diagnostic (roll of the dice) they ordered me a new steering wheel… from Germany. Because clearly, the problem was my steering wheel, not the fact the car thought it was possessed.
Act Three: The Steering Wheel Era
16 August 2022: New steering wheel fitted. Problem solved? No. Three and a half weeks later, 13 September 2022, I was back, again the same faults persisted, the reverse camera was blacking out, and the screen had been moved to a location blocked by other graphics. If you’ve ever tried to reverse into traffic blind, you’ll know it’s thrilling.
10 July 2023: Another service. Same camera issue. Dealer notes: “Fixed.” Reality: Not fixed.
Act Four: The Brake Slam Chronicles
15 August 2024: The annual service…and a fun new twist. Twice, while driving, the car decided to randomly slam on the brakes for no reason. Nothing says “Volkswagen safety” quite like an unprovoked emergency stop on an empty main road that’s so straight it’s ready to start a man-o-sphere podcast.
In fact the car decided it was time to emergency stop in the middle of driving for absolutely no reason three more times during this period. No kangaroo, no traffic, not even a rogue Woolies bag. Just vibes.
Another steering wheel was replaced; because apparently, this is now the Golf’s equivalent of changing a light bulb.
Still, the glitches persisted. Still, the camera was broken. Still my heart is forever torn asunder.
Act Five: Desperation
By 22 October 2024, I’d had enough. I requested a buyback. And having the car back once again to the dealer they were instructed to run a full diagnostic, replaced the radar sensor system and the lane assistant systems, and did the obligatory software update (turn off, turn on). Still didn’t fix it.
End of November 2024: The car went back yet again. Now with more electrical diagnostics due to a second buy back request. Warranty approved repairs included replacing the 5F Control Unit — whatever that is — on 30 December 2024.
14–15 January 2025: Car collected.
10 February 2025: Yup! Car still glitching. All screens going black. Safety systems failing.
Act Six: Hostage Situation
Two and a half months go by with a loan car in tow and on 28 April 2025, the car was effectively kidnapped by Volkswagen Group Australia and in the custody of the dealer. For two months, I imagined it sitting in their stock yard, quietly plotting its next failure mode.
Finally, in June 2025, after hounding like Karen asking for the manger, the standoff ended. Full refund approved. The nightmare over. I half-expected confetti cannons, but all I got was my money back. I can tell you think I’m being ungrateful, but even that took weeks of back and forth fighting just to receive the money I was owed with not even a morsel of sympathy from the boffins in head office.
Final Editorial Comment:
If this saga has taught me anything, it’s that under Australian Consumer Law, you don’t just have guarantees — you have patience-testing, life-shortening, hair-greying stories. And I’ve got all the service reports and repair notes to prove it.
The Mark 8 Golf was supposed to be my reliable daily driver. Instead, it became a long-running drama with more sequels than Fast & Furious. Only in this version, the stunts were involuntary and the brakes slammed themselves.
Did you know Volkswagen also makes electric cars?
*Andy smashing his palm square in his face.
Next week in The Volkswagen Times: “2026 Model Preview – Will It Work Straight Out of the Box?”